But for Christ's sake, go!
Hey, did you hear that Anna Nicole Smith died? Didja? Didja hear that? Didja know she was dead? Didja huh? Huh? Didja huh, huh, huh?
Yes, for those of you who spent the last few days in an isolation chamber, (don't knock it; it's the only place in my house where I can read the news paper in peace), Anna Nicole Smith shed her mortal coil and left this earth sometime yesterday. I could not possibly care any less. But CNN felt differently. They had it as a "breaking story" yesterday. The local news covered it for more time than they spent on a little thing called "Iraq".
Apparently there's a war there. Who knew? Not Anna.
I have to admit, while I didn't spend a great deal of time obsessing over Anna, (as opposed to my fanatical devotion to Jessica Biel), (oh, and my wife too), I knew who she was. She was impossible to get away from. Kind of like fungus. You would think she was gone, but then you'd pull up the carpet in the bathroom and notice a stain spreading where the water had leaked from an improperly sealed tub. That was kind of the equivalent to Anna. You'd read about her screwing an 89-year-old oil millionaire, and you'd think, "well, that's pretty much rock bottom, hope she at least earns the money."
Quick joke: Young golddigger marries an 85 year old millionaire. Figures she'll put in a couple of years at most, then retire in style. Their wedding night arrives and while getting ready for bed, she sees her new husband putting on a condom, putting in ear plugs and stuffing his nose with cotton. She says, understandably, "what the hell are you doing?" He says, "if there's two things I can't stand it's the smell of buring latex and the sound of screaming."
Somehow I doubt J. Marshall met that standard, but I like to hope so.
Then J.M died, which wasn't exactly a surprise. What was a surprise was that the will was contested all the way to the Supreme Court. So Anna didn't go away. She kept her face in the news until the case resolved. Yes, our countries jurisprudence now includes case-law based on a bimbo boffing a billionaire all the way to the bank.
Alliteration kids. Learn to love it.
Eventually Anna managed to get some large sum of money, but along the way she got involved in a reality TV show that I'll admit I watched a couple of times.
By the way, I watch NASCAR for the car wrecks. Draw your own conclusions.
Anyone who watched the show could learn for themselves what a stupid, self-absorbed dipshit she was. I found myself rooting for her to lose at the Supreme Court, guranteeing that she'd end up broke, penniless and in a trailer park somewhere. Possibly next door to Britney Spears. But she didn't. She got her money, she had a kid with one or more men, (which is a neat trick when there's only the one kid), and now she's dead. Is it too bad for her family? Yeah, assuming any of them are around. You'd never hear about them. Is it too bad for anyone else? Well, last time I checked, the sun came up this morning, in the east no less, my mortgage was due, the boiler probably needs to be fixed, and the kids need money for some school program called "lunch." Nothing's changed, media hysteria aside.
We're fighting a war that won't seem to end. Our deficit is at record levels. Joe Lieberman just suggested a new tax to pay for the war. Connecticut has a big problem with urban schools and the fact that they tend to, well, fall down. The earth seems to be heating up a bit. And the big concern is why and how Anna Nicole Smith died.
You know what? I don't care.