I'm Leavin' On A Jet Plane
Oh, wait, it says right here on the ticket. Back next Tuesday. Taking a guys only trip to Kansas City to see the Red Sox play Opening Day, which to my mind should be a national holiday. Even though I'm a Yankees fan and will be rooting for the Royals, I can't pass up a trip like this. Even if it does involve getting up at 4:30 am to make the flight out. I am not looking forward to that. Besdies I think once you factor in airfare, the hotel, and the price of the ticket, I am still paying considerably less than I would to get similar tickets to Opening Day at Fenway, and way less than I would for Yankee Stadium. Seriously, I compared them. I'm that anal.
Speaking of anal, here's some lesbian erotica I found in Dan Savage's column, Savage Love.
By Dan Savage
Longtime reader with a vanilla question: What to do about differing libidos? We're a straight couple together 20-plus years, and we've aged well. No weight gain, no radical changes in appearance. We are open and loving, and I am cognizant of her needs and feelings. Yesterday, I read an interview with Joan Sewell, author of I'd Rather Eat Chocolate: Learning to Love My Low Libido, and handed it to my wife and observed that this is the new ideal: women laughing at their male partners and shrugging their shoulders about women's general lack of desire. My spouse can now point at this book and say, "You see, I'm normal, and so are all of my friends, ha ha ha, live with it…"
While I want sex daily, I get it maybe five to 20 times a year—and I am lucky compared to some straight married men! Where are the women you hear about who want sex constantly?
Not Giving Up
I haven't had a chance to read Ms. Sewell's book, NGU, but I devoured Sandra Tsing Loh's review of I'd Rather Eat Chocolate in the current Atlantic Monthly. (Loh's book reviews are worth the price of a subscription.) And I'm saddened to report that, according to Sewell and Loh, there's no such thing as a woman who wants sex constantly. They don't exist—never did.
All that yammering about women with voracious sexual appetites during Sex And The City's long reign of terror? A cruel hoax. A figment of the straight-male imagination, a Big Lie picked up on and promoted by self-serving female "sexperts" eager to tell straight men what they wanted to hear. Women have naturally lower sex drives, Sewell writes. It's a hormonal thing. Testosterone makes humans horny, men have lots more than women, so men are hornier—and all the Sex And The City repeats in the world aren't going to change that.
"So if straight women don't want sex—or as much sex—what do they want? Chocolate, says Sewell, or a good book. Massive amounts of carbs, says Loh, who approvingly writes of a lesbian couple she knows. With no men around demanding sex, Loh's lesbian friends are livin' the dream: "Teri and Pat have had a special Monday-night ritual. They order an extra-large cheese pizza," writes Loh. While they wait for their pizza, "they settle in on the couch with large twin bags of Doritos. Each chip is dipped first in cream cheese and then in salsa. Cream cheese, salsa. Cream cheese, salsa… The Doritos are finished to the last crumb, and then, upon arrival, the pizza as well." (No dessert is mentioned—I imagine it's just one wafer-thin mint.) Teri and Pat are 50 pounds overweight and suffer from "lesbian bed death," but for them, pizza-and-Doritos night is "better than sex." Loh, who has a sex-starved husband at home, is green with envy."
OK, maybe that wasn't the most erotic thing you've ever read. Nor do I particularly beleive that most women have lower libidos than men. In fact, I don't care. No I just mentioned this so that in the event that I ever get to the point that "pizza-and-Doritos night is 'better than sex'", I want one of you people to track me down and kill me.
And for those of you who feel compelled to argue about the sad story of Teri and Pat and their affair with the Dominos guy, (bowm-chicka-bow-wow), you can save yourself the trouble and click here and read the entries from everyone else who already has.
I think at least two of those responses are from Maggie.