What's that you say? The judge was a Reagan appointee? Well, fuck me in the ass and call me Freddie Mercury!
Actually, please don't. While I do have line drive power to the gaps in both fields, (hey, guess who's been busy with Little League again this year?), that's actually in the literal sense and not in any way metaphorical. I'm strictly in it for the babes, but of course, now that gay people I will never meet have won the right to state recognition of their civil contract of marriage, I guess I'll just have to divorce that broad I married oh these many years ago. Because after all, the fact that two strangers you'll never meet have entered into a civil contract in a jurisdiction you'll never go to should absolutely lessen the integrity of your own vows to a person you presumably love and have created a family with in the civil and possibly religious ceremony of your own choosing.
Back when people used to blog I had a significant number of queer readers. And then there were the gays! Hey-o! See what I did there? Anyway, the gay marriage thing was remarked on a few times. Just in case someone stumbles in here, clears off the cobwebs and reads the title above and thinks "Wow, this guy's a [huge asshole][right-thinking, moral American]", let me be clear: If I have the right to make a conscious choice to limit the number of women I have sex with for the rest of my life to exactly one, (seriously though, she's pretty hot. Thank Xenu she's got questionable taste in men), then as far as I'm concerned, you gay folk have to do the same thin...I mean, have the same right.
To my knowledge, no mainstream gay group is arguing that any religious group has to recognize their godless sodomite but ever-so-fabulous marriages. Nor should they, as that would be a blatant interference of the State with a religious group's tenets. And therefore unconstitutional. And bad. But at the same time, the Constitution says something about everyone being created equal and having the right to life, liberty and only banging one person ever for th...uh, happiness. Hi honey! So far as I know, I'm pretty sure there's nothing in the Constitution that says "except the queers", but feel free to let me know if I missed something.
Look, if you oppose gay marriage, or gays in general, that's your affair. Knock yourself out. Damn them to hell for all eternity, I don't care. The odds are good I'll be down there drinking with 'em anyway if you happen to be right. My bad. But don't kid yourself for a minute that equal rights in any way doesn't mean that gay people get STATE RECOGNITION of their marriage. Your church remains free to not recognize them all they want, and should remain so. But the state, the government, simply can't. It's against the laws this country was based on. You can absolutely make the argument that the founding fathers didn't like queers or had religious beliefs that would preclude gay marriage, or gay activity, or wearing pink polo shirts with the collars popped, (seriously, that's pretty gay), and you might even be right, but that's not what they wrote. Everybody gets equal rights, regardless of who they want to fuck.
I write this knowing full well that this case isn't done. It'll be appealed to the 9th Circuit, which will undoubtedly uphold the decision, (because they're a buncha liberal fagdouches, of course), (also I think the most overturned appellate court in the USofA, although I could be wrong about that), (and could also be wrong in my love of parenthetical phrasing, but fuck off, I'll love as I wish!), and then will go to the Supreme Court, which should result in a very interesting decision. I wouldn't even dare to guess how that would turn out, other than to say that, barring any new vacancies between now and whenever the Court gets the argument, it'll be a 5-4 decision. In my considered Constitutional law opinion, (I took a whole course on Constituional law in law school! And just misspelled "Constitutional"!), if the decision adheres to the Constitution, as written, it'll be gay marriage across the country. And pretty soon, gay marriage will be pretty goddamn boring.
But who knows? On both sides of any issue, liberal v. conservative, right v. left, Scalia v. sanity, the Court has a way of making the Constitution say what it wants. We'll see how it goes. Regardless, I'm a straight white married male and whether or not two gay men or two gay women get to exchange "I-do's" will have no effect on me or my wife. If it has an effect on you, well, I think maybe you ought to take a long look at yourself and why you possibly give a shit.